To burn or not to burn

My previous attempt to quit smoking was quite successful (7.5 weeks!) until the time I got my hands on a carton of cigarettes - a generous gift from my sister. This is the fourth week since I started to smoke again.

Now, try as I might, I know that I can not blame my sister for this unsuccessful attempt. My self-control comes to be the culprit. After all, I did avoid smoking in spite of having a full carton under my nose for one whole week - until I smoked that 'fatal' cigarette. And then another. And another. And...

The holy month of Ramadan has arrived, which means I can't eat, drink or smoke from dawn till dusk everyday. In a way, it's like quitting smoking every day for a good number of hours (14).

On one hand I could use my belief in Islam and this holy month to help me try to quit smoking once again. But on the other hand what gets me through the day is the dream of smoking that one cigarette after Iftar or 'breaking fast' when the nicotine level in my blood is at its lowest.

So now I sit here in my room writing this at 2 am, when the deadline to eat, drink and smoke as much as I want approaches in a little more than two hours.

I am contemplating if I should go and burn another $11.60 to buy a pack or not.



And you know what, I think I'll buy just one more pack.

Damnit.